Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
