Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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