then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
