And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
