That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize