I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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