All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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