I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
