i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
