I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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