last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
