Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
