If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
