i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
you had me at cake vodka
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
