Pants 0. Shit 1.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
