Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
