I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
