whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize