So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
