brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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