woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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