I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
