All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
