Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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