its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Randomize
