Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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