That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
