Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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