the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
