you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
