this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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