The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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