I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
