my mouth tastes like poor choices
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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