I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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