On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
