Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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