Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
