she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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