What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
