I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
