i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
