Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
where are my eyebrows?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
