I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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