Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
