Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
