she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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