I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
