take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
