I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
