I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
