Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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