You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
