living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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