her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize