i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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