I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
