Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
