yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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