A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
he was CRYING into my vagina
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
It was a blind-side dick pic.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize