do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
