just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
