i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
