stop calling my apartment porn island.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
