What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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