It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
