I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
