i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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