You just made me feel so damn special
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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