There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
No more Irish car bombs ever.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
