I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Just cropdusted the office
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
