those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize