I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
