the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
