Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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