Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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