tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I wish life had little blips of pornography
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
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