in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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