i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
