so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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