I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize