I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
