My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
