me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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