so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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