He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
