I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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