I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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