i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
