I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
