i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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