I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
