I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
my vag is so smooth its legendary
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
