last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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