Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
